It was a stormy night and we were stuck in a shack on the beach in Goa. The wind was howling, beating hysterically against the roof and the closed sheets firmly fixed around the shack. The entrance was left half open on my request. That was my gateway to musing, to introspection and simply getting awed by the astonishingly beautiful view. The rain drops splattered on me as I sipped my cocktail, thoroughly enjoying the intoxication rendered to me by the drink and the weather together. It was past 12 am in the night and the sky looked threateningly dark, growling with thunder, cursing with crashing rain. The waves in the dark seemed like white hands trying to clutch at the shore, trying to escape the sea’s wrath but failing and falling back groaning in turmoil. This was the first storm I’d witnessed in my life and believe me I was dumfounded by the terrible beauty I could place in that. I was intimidated to a degree, who wouldn’t be? By the natural forces infinitely stronger than us, with power so massive that if it struck on a whim, we’d be washed out in a jiffy. Yet, it felt strangely beautiful, eerily enigmatic giving me a feeling of happiness unlike anything else that had before. Perhaps the chaos of my heart cohered with the chaos outside, perhaps my thoughts and feelings rolled like those waves in the storm, reaching the shore of respite and happiness but again receding back in little self-doubt. I was emotionally charged up, a feverish high where my mind was effusing a whirlpool of emotions as a response to the wild weather. We were communicating, at some subliminal level, where the fierce nature was answering the questions I had which my logical mind had not even discerned. It was a soul connection maybe. It was synced in disharmony, my inner self and nature and maybe that’s why I could feel the beauty and a connectedness in that milieu.
I was there with my best friends. I had wonderful company to enjoy meaningful conversations, banter and endless laughter. I did that for a while, but then I had to retreat in solitude zone, to fully immerse myself in the ocean rising inside me. I went to one end away from my friends and sat alone, just wanting to spend time with self, enjoying the weather, the chill, and my contemplative mode. Its not that I always think when I’m alone, sometimes my mind is simply slack, not thinking anything in particular, at times even blank, but my heart is always at peace, feeling happy and at home.
So this time, sitting there alone, I felt liberated at heart even though my mind was still chained in questions and thoughts. My thoughts for a long while were self centered. Thinking about my life back in city, what I should be doing and what I shouldn’t be. The right way, the ideal way, my choices, my decisions, people I love, people I don’t. But I don’t know for some unknown reason, as time passed in my solitary sphere, I found myself surrendering to the quite around me. Thoughts slowed down their pace, merged into one another and faded into oblivion while I became conscious of only my breathing, of my calm and of my surrender. There was this one point, when my surroundings disappeared from perception, I knew it was all there, yet there was a blur and I was only distinctly aware and perceiving of the rhythms of nature, the splash of rain and the rumbling of waves. I knew it was a confrontation with the elemental, the very basic core of existence and therefore the most intimate of all experiences I’ve had. Despite myself, I had slipped into this state, guided perhaps by some higher force I don’t yet understand. It was mystical beauty, an enchantment of a kind we rarely get to experience in the city.
And as these feelings swam in my consciousness, I felt my soul levitating higher in the realm of contentment. The bitterness and angst in the storm inside my heart was gradually diminishing into the shore of peace. I felt a motherly touch of nature, soothing my troubled heart gently taking me out in a free world, whispering it’s going to be okay.
And as I transitioned from turmoil to peace, so did the weather. I returned to my friends and joined in their conversations. Also this time, a cat came and sat on my lap. I had caught all my dreams and knew I could even in future. I was high from that communion with nature. Did I mention the shack was named the dreamcatcher?
Magical Meanderings 